Kami Tak butuh Kata Kami hanya Butuh Perbuatan dan Itu NYATA! Kami tidak menuntut tapi kami menunggu, percayalah Karna dari dalam Hati Kami Menyayangimu PRIA

Tiba2 masuk sms kaya begini tadi siang di YM  dimana semua orang kantor lagi pada sibuk makan siang dan  kantor sepi kecuali gue dan laptop.

Ragil : “ tha lagi apa?”
gue :  banyak cyn kerjaan gue, istirahatnya kayanya molor deh, lo?
Ragil : cyn, keluar yuk? Gue traktir makan siang di rumah sakit
gue : he? Lo masuk rumah sakit lagi, cyn? Kan kemarin mau baru keluar?
Ragil: ngggaaaakkk kali, eh beneran deh gue jemput nih ( doi kerja di perusahaan Jasa Penerbangan dan biro perjalanan Luar negeri sbg Personal Assitant  Manager )
gue : Sok lah, gue tunggu yah?
Ragil : kita mau makan di mana?
Gue : gue masih ada voucher makan siang berdua  di Aston lumayan sih menunya hari ini, mau nyoba?
Ragil : eh gue udah meluncur nih ke kantor, lo tunggu di luar

Nyampe di aston selera makan tinggi banget dan ini hasilnya

Ragil : lo pernah Love Online ngga?
gue : sedikit tersendat dan diam beberapa saat lalu hahahha Kenapa lagi lo gil? Gue pernah?
Ragil : terus lo ngapain aja?
gue : maksd lo ngapain apaan nih?
Ragil : yah lo sama dia gimana?
gue : normal sih kaya pernah ketemu, padahal ngga hehehe?
ragil : chat lewat apa lo biasanya?
gue : tergantung dia negur gue pake apa dulu biasanya lewat hp, klo ngga YM ato skype.eh jangan bilang klo lo lagi jatuh cintroongg!!!
ragil : hahahhaah iya nih dan kondisinya seperti itu?
gue : jiaaaaaaaaa…  selamet ya
ragil : kok selamat? Bukannya belum ketemu?
gue : ya selamat dulu urusan di tembak ato ngga  yah ntar lah.anak mana?
ragil : anak metropolitan
gue : jiaaaaaaa oke sip...
ragil : Cuma masalahnya kita lagi sama2 sibuk
Gue : kurang asem banget sih nih cewe  jlep banget coba ceritanya, mana miring2 dikit lagi Sial makin lah gue terdiam di meja makan.
ragil : trus gue mseti gimana tha?
Gue : ya, masalahnya lo yg ngejalanin yah gil, lo tau gue manusianya ngga  suka mempengaruhi orang lain tapi yang  jelas, gue Cuma ngingetin elo buat hati2. Ini cowo yang ke berapa kenalan trus suka sama lo   tapi belum pernah ketemu? Dididik deh ati lo buat ngga tersakiti lagi, lo betah ya gil. Gue sih cukup cukup. Sampai kapanpun lo butuh kepastian. Cowo sih enteng yah, tapi cewe jaman sekarang mudah banget patah hati. Ya elo rela gitu terus2an patah hati. Masa iya sih luka – ngobat – luka lagi – ngobat lagi gitu2 terus hidup lo? Planning lah ,cyn. Klo perlu lo kasih target!!

Ragil : iya sih tha, emang lo pernah yah?
gue :  sekarang gini aja deh , hal yg mendasar dari elo apa sekrang?
ragil : gue? emmm Pengen semuanya JELAS?
Gue : nah, inget nih satu hal! SEMUA cewe juga gitu, ngga hanya elo dan gue, beribu2 cewe juga butuh kejelasan neng, klo alesannya udah begini?
ragil : jadi mksd lo jangan sampe di PHP’in gitu?
Gue : sambil Ngunyah  salad NAHHH itu pinter !!!!  tiap cewe gak pengen kali di gantungin?  Kejelasan yang gitu2 aja. Eeemmm maksd gue gini “ aku akan jaga rasa sayang ini sampe kita ketemu”
itu ngga menjamin gil, apapun alesannya. Emm cewe itu sensitive dan cowo itu santai. Bukan gue mau manas2in elo. Contoh transisi orang jatuh cinta begini : stranger – friend – close friend  –  special relationship  – jealous- fight – break –stranger lo ngga cape kaya gitu terus gil? Istilahnya tarik – nyambung – putus!  Gue  bisa bilang kaya gitu karna gue pernah gitu, dan mungkin bukan hanya kita berdua aja gil. Kita itu sama! Udah ketemu, terusss sayanggggggg sampe ngga pengen hilang, tiba giliran di kecewain gue yang miris, lo liat gue, jangan di kira gue hahahah hihihih gue ngga GALAU yah gil. Sampe bates yang PALING gue udah. Gue ngga maksa lo buat bilang NGGA, tapi lo harus peka gil, di PHP’in itu ngga enak. Pacar bukan temen ? juga tak terlihat seperti itu?
Ragil : jadi  keputusan elo apa?
gue :  lebih baik STOP dulu, sampe ketemu ngerasa Klik baru bisa mutusin!! Sayang hati don cyn . jangan kaya gue udah kepo duluan hahahaha :p
Ragil : jadi lo masih tetep sayang sama si cowo itu tha?
Gue : gue Berusaha STAND gil, even susah bangun pertahanan itu!!! hehehe  Klo bener2 sayang sama doi harus bisa dong MOVE ON!! Lagian klo belum siap ngga usah di paksa2in amat, klo emang klik pasti di temuin lagi J
Ragil : hahahahha lo yah cyn bikin gue jadi mikir lagi deh L
Gue : hei!! Jangan karna kata gue ya? Inget tiap cewe harus punya pegangan.

Love by the Rule

So I’m finding it .. fascinating .. holding back. Being mindful of what I say. Working at controlling what I do – in these early days with Mr New. Fascinating because it’s not something I’ve ever bloody done before, for a start! Ok maybe that should read challenging..?
I guess mostly it’s because I’m having to fundamentally change how I “normally” would act i.e.: it’s a very conscious activity for me to engage in..  As I said – quite a challenge!
I’m also finding it fascinating being around a man who must have read the damn rule book! A man who – although quite lovely – is at the same time oh-so cautious with his statements / emotions.
Sooo.. do we have a horribly bad blend or something that may develop into something good over time? Time will tell, huh!
I think it’s fair to say we’re both enjoying each other’s company. I get the feeling I am right up there when it comes to “stuff he’s into right now” .. of course since I’m being mindful and not asking forward questions I don’t know this for sure .. And he isn’t saying ..
My assessment is based solely on the timing of when I hear from him in conjunction with whatever else I know he has on.. For example – holidays with sporadic net access aside – since coming back we’ve spent both evenings together and he’s made contact within 30 minutes (or less) of finishing work.
Is this how it’s done, people? We’re meant to guess and wonder as opposed to ask and know where we stand in these early days .. ? Man it’s weird .. Ah well, I’m giving it my best shot.
Unlike drunken text recipient, we’ve not gone anywhere or done anything amazing, we’re just hanging out together. And laughing, there’s always laughter – which is kinda neat.
Somewhat bizarrely, considering how “cool” we’re being about statements that may scare the other off – we’ve more than skirted around the issue of maybe taking a holiday together later in the year (I say bizarrely cos we’ve not said anything remotely related to “I like you” but we’re going on holiday?!)
I guess this is the whole “actions speak louder than words” deal and I’ve just gotta get the hell over the fact my very close 2nd love language was “words of affirmation” and enjoy the fact that right now Mr New is doing rather well in what was the top love language of mine: “Quality time”.
And in the meantime, I need to keep biting my tongue and following his lead – instead of diving in too deep, too fast and (for all I can swim reasonably well) eventually drowning..

Karna sayang harus Bisa Move On :)

I'm awake sekarang ( lama banget perasaan, baru sekarang )
gara2 seorang teman yang sangat baik membangunkan gue, dan gue rasa ada saatnya gue ngga boleh ada di tempat yang sama! simple banget deh caranya, si pianis gereja ini tiba2 mainin lagu a thousand yearsnya  christina perry yang nota bene jadi soundtracknya  film breaking dawn itu. doi nawarin gue buat bluetooth ke hp, gue iyain aja di samping gue dengerin dengan santai selama nungguin anak2 kelar latihan teater dengan pelatih baru.
 ada kalimat sebait yang bikin gue langsung ngeh, dan balik dari sana gue langsung masuk kamar dan gak keluar lagi sampe besok paginya.

And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more

karna gue sekarang ngerasa lebih iklas  ngejalain apa yang ada di depan mata gue.ada penyesalan!! tapi, ketika gue sadar klo, gue butuh sesuatu yang lebih serius. temen2 selalu ngingetin dengan cara yang paling simple. dan dengan kata2 ini saja,gue jadi sadar kalau Tuhan ngga pernah bobo.

Speed dating

This guy had sent me 1 message saying “hi” and I duly responded with “Hi back” or something equally as scintillating .. Obviously my “play hard to get” ploy worked and his somewhat .. uh, enthusiastic (?) response is pasted below for your .. bemusement..

Where do I find them.. or HOW do they all find me, more to the point .. Sheesh! To make it easier to read I have inserted the occasional space, his original didn’t have any – which kinda made me want to stab myself in the eyes as I read it! Aren’t I good to you lot?

Read on:

Hi Dear,

I would like to use this privilege to tell you more about myself.

Well, my dad was originally from Aberdeen, United Kingdom but he nationalize in Switzerland where we use as our permanent home.

We spent most of our time in Switzerland and  my daughter and my mum lives there too, I grew up in different countries, I grew up in communist Bulgaria, but I’m happy because I had great childhood. I see how my parents love each other, and Presently I came to Aberdeen alone I speak with a Bulgarian accent, I hope you like this?

Because, when I came to this country I only spoke two words..

Thank I show my personality by working hard, for this reason, people respect me.

I will like to tell you more about myself but where do i start from okay,, United Kingdom.

I am the only son of my family and was born and brought up in a devoted christian family. I married but my wife passed away in an accident,

It all happened to me just like a dream. I have one daughter and she is 10 years old now. Her name is Tina, hope you will love her?.

I will like to talk about my job,i work in a ship and am the director of operations.

And my duties is to Act in the best interests of the company and in good faith at all times.

Prepares proposals for support of ship operations and for the acquisition of shipboard equipment and shipboard scientific equipment.

Recommends and implements policies pertaining to marine personnel and vessel operation. Maintains records of vessel utilization, structures, and regulatory and inspecting agency compliance. .

I would like to open up my heart to you, but I may lack the skill, or I’m short  for words, because my heart harbors so many good feelings towards you, that the dictionary seems to short to express all this,

My late father was a devoted christian and a philanthropist also a full time international contractor based in Asia, (Engineer) He worked in various ministries and organizations in the past and assisted many christian organizations both spiritually and financially.

Before enclosing this message, I would like to let you know that distance has nothing to do with our Friendship as long as god is there with us. I can come and meet with you wherever you are or will have you invited here. It may interest you to know that I prefer one-on-one conversation.

I am really interested in wanting to know about what makes you the special person you are today, I want to know more about your family,your background, your life experiences, past relationships, your goals and dreams, your interests, and anything else you want to tell me.

I even want to learn about the secrets you very rarely share with someone!.

So come on and share it all with me,about your country and what you working as ?

this is my cell phone no +447017962156,i will like to have some of your pictures and your cell phone number too.Well, remain blessed until I hear from you.

Your sincerely,

Dennis

So, dear readers I do hope you will all attend the wedding soon?! I was literally  lost of idea for this mature man. Hopes he will get the best one soon.
I’m not interesting L

Being too Available

I realised this week that I become utterly and completely insecure in the early days of a relationship. And to say this irritates me is an understatement!
It dawned on me today that because of my aversion to being “abandoned” or left wondering  I try my hardest to never do this to any man in my life.
And so it is you will find me carrying my phone on me 24/8.
I get my emails and texts instantly. So he texts me,I text straight back. He emails, I email back immediately. He logs into skype – I’m logged in too..  He calls, I’ll break my neck to answer.
I’m always “available”.
And if I should happen to actually miss a call, then as soon as I realise – I’m all over it like a cheap suit, frantically calling in an attempt to fix the ‘breakdown’ in comms that took place .. because heaven forbid he should experience what I loathe, after all!
Aren’t I nice?
Yeah except for 2 things ..
1. He probably doesn’t actually object to my not replying within 0.04 seconds to every single communique he sends. And he’s probably clever enough to realise there will be times when I cannot answer the phone. It’s called “life” .. And I could just be allowed to have one..
And worse;
2. I suspect that my actions potentially devalue me in his eyes.. Because as we all know: the more scarce the commodity, the more sought after it is.
And so as we head into day 13 of Ms Ignoring holiday, of no time spent together and sporadic (at best!) comes – I feel this neat thrill at having recognized a pattern problem for me.
Sure, I may not know quite how to stop it from rearing its ugly head, but I figure at least if I’m aware of it, then hopefully progress can be made

Mereka Kini ( Kuala Lumpur 2012 )

Quotes Of the Day

Tuhan punya 3 cara untuk menjawab doamu: 

1. YA, Dia berikan maumu.

 2. TIDAK, Dia berikan yg lebih baik.

 3. TUNGGU, Dia berikan yg terbaik